I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
