Kiss
Puke
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
