i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
whose ass print is on the piano?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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