I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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