i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
