So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
