last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There r osticjed everywhere
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
