So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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