matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
