There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
