Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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