yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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