can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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