you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
