Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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