So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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