oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
