she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
