making cat noises will not fix the situation.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
