he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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