He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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