I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize