i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
