What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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