Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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