I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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