My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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