The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
