I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
