I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
