I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
