I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
