Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
