I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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