its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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