Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
