I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
