That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
