I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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