we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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