Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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