This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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