Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
