My hand turned me down
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
