I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
