and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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