his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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