I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
