as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
