Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
