I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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