In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i think i just lost a toe
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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