hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
