im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
