i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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