i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
