He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
