I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
