i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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