According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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